I’ve been enjoying seeing everyone’s posts recapping 2014 – projects, accomplishments, new business endeavors etc… I got to thinking what I’d write about for my 2014 year in review post and the more I thought about it, the more I began to realize that 2014 really sucked…Like the leading contender for worst year ever. I know, I was a tad surprised too. The more I thought about it the worse the year seemed. Here’s the weird part- it was bad- really bad- but there was a lot of good, and that kind of made me forget some of the bad. I’m also not one to hold onto emotions for a long time, so once something is over, it’s over, so I think that’s why I didn’t realize I was in the midst of my worst.year.ever while I was going through it, and why I was surprised as I looked back.
One goal for 2015 is to make EC2 slightly more personal from time to time- it’s the stuff you guys eat up on IG and Facebook… the real life stuff. So, here goes… let’s talk about Monica’s crappy 2014.
This past year someone very close to me hit an insanely hard patch in life. I shared about it a bit in this post in February I knew it wasn’t going to be a fun journey for them and it was going to be hard all around. What I didn’t know, is that watching someone you love literally go through hell is insanely harder for me than going through it myself. I wished about 1.5 million times to change places.
Since that wasn’t an option I helped in every way I could think of. Since it’s not my story to tell, I will keep the details brief, but I have learned more about addiction and drugs, recovery and relapse, failure and success this year than I ever thought possible. I walked alongside this person one day at a time, having to learn along the way that I can’t make someone do something (as hard as I might have tried) and that I can’t actually save someone (I did give it a mighty fine attempt). I attended easily 100+ NA meetings, read more 12 step recovery books than I knew existed, and immersed myself in a life of addiction recovery. Everything in life became secondary to supporting my family member’s needs, this blog, my house, and sometimes even Eric and my kids. We knew this was necessary and I am so thankful for a husband that was 100% supportive.
January to August is almost a blur to me, but I do know this… Not being an addict myself, I still learned so much about myself and my character flaws and need for growth by attending NA meetings. I learned humility “what if someone sees me at an NA meeting… will they think I use” it took me about 2 meetings to get over that one. So many of the people at these meetings were incredible- I couldn’t care less if someone thought I belonged there. I was so inspired and amazed by so many strangers I met, as they shared their stories & struggles, and were willing to share completely without pretense and fear of being judged. It impacted me in huge ways and made me wish church was a lot more like an NA meeting. A judgement-free zone with people loving people- even complete strangers- and a place that doesn’t try to pretty up the mess that really is in our lives, to look good on the outside. I left many meetings feeling emotionally drained, but it was also amazingly refreshing and real.
But lest you think it was all inspiration, rainbows, and unicorns, there were moments last summer that I literally thought my heart was being ripped out and I didn’t know if I’d ever bounce back if this person lost their battle with addiction. Addiction sucks. I actually had a deep, growing hatred for it and for drugs. Just typing that actually gets me a tad fired up. There were sleepless nights spent waiting for a call, there were times I was a total psycho running up to strangers and dealers demanding to be given information about my loved one, I was a force to be reckoned with, and sometimes that girl was a nutcase.
I’m so thankful and proud to say that entering 2015 they’re fighting and recovering and we’ll soon be celebrating a 6 month anniversary. I know it’s a life-long battle, but for now, I’m thankful for the season we’re currently in, and I’m encouraged that 2015 is starting off in a much better place.
So that was Reason #1 that 2014 get’s the worst year ever award, and as you can image it’s a big one and impacted many other areas.
2014 is also the year our successful, growing DIY tv show “Knock It Off!” came to an end because of a network change. Being new to TV, we learned that it’s very strange that a successful show just has to end, but the LWN was closing its doors and with that our show. Honestly, we were bummed, but not devastated, because we were so confident and being encouraged that we’d end up at another network and keep doing our thing! But, let’s be honest- not getting a 3rd season of your TV show, gets a check in the not awesome column of 2014.
We got right to work on planning our new TV show and a few months into planning, Jess made the hard decision that she wanted to go back to being a stay at home mom with her kids- she wasn’t going to be a part of the new show. Not throwing her under the bus here at all, but finding out your dream job (doing what you love, with your BFF) was coming to an end sucked. I can’t say “I’m bummed I’m starting a new TV show”, but doing it solo without my bestie will definitely be a major adjustment. We literally would spend 40+ hours a week together most weeks, so just going to “normal friend” mode is weird too. So there’s that.
Reason #3 is more family related stuff. My incredible, awesome dad got laid off from his job- the very job that moved us to PA when I was a teenager 17 years ago. It meant that he and I were able to work on some awesome projects together (like making over the thrift store and boutique for Worthwhile Wear) but it’s also super crappy to have your dad unemployed. If you know anyone looking for a national director of Nuclear Pharmaceuticals- let me know- ha! (Yeah, he’s kind of specialized)
yeah, that Ellen… DeGeneres
That deserves an post of it’s own, so I’m gonna leave you hanging on that one. But lest you think I’m a hater, I stinkin love that Lady. You’ll just have to wait and see. Maybe tomorrow.
Reasons 5-infinity are smaller, but there are tons of them that would be boring to read and make this post 10x longer than it already is. Things like a huge basement renovation gone wrong, prepping an entire kitchen (building walls, running water and electric etc) to then have the partnering company just drop the ball and never followthrough… i.e.- no kitchen after all the prep work…
Lots of crapola like that.
even with all of these reasons 2014 was my worst ever- it still wasn’t that bad. We had some amazing times, went some incredible places, and overall we live an incredibly fortunate life. I am thankful for my healthy kids and husband, our home, my extended family, and an insanely kind circle of friends that did things like clean my house while I was at NA meetings, or surprise me with a milkshake at just the right time.
2014 Sucked big time, but I learned and grew more than any other year of my adult life. Don’t get any ideas 2015, I have no desire to grow a whole lot more this year, I’m ready for an easy peasy, awesome year, but I now know what I’m capable of getting through and what an awesome circle of people I have around me to journey through the fun and not-so-fun parts of this life.
Thanks for letting me share my worst year ever recap with ya!
PS I’ll fill ya in on the Ellen thing this week for sure.